Listen to what I say!

Down to planet earth:
Drawing homework( plus thcharcoal fdrawings whichi lost which i just wanna shoot my self and kill myself and cry to death like fucking shit freaks holy fucked up piece of crap.)
2d which i never seem to get anything done properly and nicely, and all just seems like some over sized poop from a mutated cat.
3d which seems almost impossible to do with cowdung hands of mine theni could just flush down the chocked toilet bowl.
Illustrator tiring me out
photography is scaring me.
Everything i sjust os utterly depresing, and no im not over reacting.
i not exaggarating, i fucking swear with all i have.
Looking like some ones Ahole isnt helping much either, 
neither does yout processed information making me feel any beter you dumb ass freak
I know i have alot of error in writin gabove and here whatever but i aint gonna correct it cos its doesnt really matter
cos u dont have to understand it at all, cos what im saying right now is all just a bunch of crap aint i right.
you are fucking messing up my life 
and dont you know that poeple have feelings? om gu cant be that fucking stupid right. wtf. ive been tolerating every single shit that has been infront of me, dont purposely say all the shit to me then u go oh sorry. please u know that aint right u ugly piece of shit.
act act act just shut the fuck up la. 

 That perfect smile.
The one that tilts slightly to the right.
oh, so sweet.
Those eyes that look up every now and then,
do you notice me?
That voice of yours, 
music to my eyes.

Hopelessly.
 

5 points today:
1. School work is making so duper depressed + stressed = eat x alot= fat + angry= suck
2. Her life seems so awesome im dead fucking jealous.
3. 2 More days to 16 october.
4. Something seems different.
5. I like it when it's just She, me, you and her :))

3 Random points:

 Im going to carry on smiling: )

I'm not going to sleep tonight.

And i forgot the last point.

 That scared me.
I don't know why.

He doesn't make me happy anymore.
Cause someone else makes me happier.

She is no longer a threat.
Cause I no longer care.

She no longer wins
Cause i can't even compete.

He is making things different.
Cause something is definitely different.

I want to meet him
But not yet.

When
soon.

"And soon it will be" .  ;)
 

 Omg, i dreamt of you(previous post) and i called you an asshole and a bitch in my dream. Hahah. 
Okay that's not important right now.

I'm happy i got someone more now, or i feel like i have. which is goody:D (not as in <3<3 way)
That's a good start for october i guess. 
Plus i'm gg to start booking slots to work for november already.
Church and youth camps a definite too: )

Julia is going to make sure she gets back right on track, entirely.
1.Lasalle
2. Lasalle
3. Diet

: D
No distractions, hopefully.
 

NO, JULIA, NOW, FOCUS.
Lasalle Lasalle Lasalle Lasalle Lasalle.
Bloody homework.
 

 I dont know what's wrong with me today.
i feel really horrible.
it's not a normal emo day.
why the fuck am i crying?
shit, im crying.

The 2 phone calls ruined me more.
But why.
 Omg Julia, you're such a freak.
You suck.

 

So many things i want to do
So many people i wish to meet
but there are so many things i need to do.
And i hate it.

It's no longer fun.

but i don't have a choice.

You could make it better, but you're not.

 

 And she wins.

I am officially losing it.

 Just got back from class chalet. After posting, im gg straight to the bed and sleep.
:)
I've got a whole load of crap in my brain, that is so hard to shake it off.
My own issues are tiring enough.
And yet i continue taking in others
seriously, it's draining. physically and mentally.
And wow.
if i ever get drunk, which i seriously doubt so ever, fuck who knows what i may tell others.

I'm getting so sick and tired of -
really i am.
i am a gemini.
i need change.



Too many secrets
Too many happenings
Julia needs somebody.

 

 I have no idea why.
And I am so afraid.
There's no confirmation
in anyway
what so ever.

What they say behind,
their thoughts,
their opinions,
their words.
chosen so cruelly.

My mind and body,
they defy each other.
"why." i question.
 

Sigh.

Another Stab, another proof to show how worthless I really am.
Did she do that intentionally?
Maybe.
But it doesn't matter.

She spat at my face.
Flashed a smirk.
Waited for my reaction.

"Put up a front, Julia."
And i did.
I smiled back.

"I can see through you" was her reply.
With that nasty stare,
she carries on.

Though I hate so, This continues;
Feelings of a heavy heart, restlessness and the inability to smile anymore.

"Don't think about it, Julia. Don't think about it. Just don't think about it." They all said.

"I wont." I lied




 

Here,
I know christians not suppose to believe horoscope and all that shit. But ive been reading it. 
Here's todays which i think is quite accurate:
The Moon’s return to your sign can lift your spirits, but also brings a feeling of restlessness. Your moods soar and sink and soar again. Others cannot get a good read on you, for every time they think they know what you’re feeling, you’ve changed again. But don’t worry about being constant for anyone else’s sake now. Just continue to observe your emotions and let them run their course naturally.

Anyway, here's my heart, my thoughts. I'm sharing it to you who's reading: ) 

She is my only threat,
she mocks me silently,
then turns to me and smile.

And You ignore me,
you may continue to do so,
whatever, like i care.

They lean closer to her,
she grins,
they all turn away from me.

Deja Vu,
a repetition,
4 years ago, and now it's happening again.

Someone out there,
Jump in and save me
rescue me.

Help, my last cry.


 

Take away all my troubles and stress.
Help me to stretch my time, and grant me favour from others.

In Jesus name I pray,
Amen. : )

It's been awhile.

Binge-eating due to stress, major, which probably also contributes to my mood swings.

so please do excuse me when it happens.
Major load of homework: ( SERIOUSLY.
So badly love to pon sch, but no i cant.
I need more sleep.

Had dinner with jonathan today( i know you're readin this, jon)
Somehow it relieved stress, at that moment only. Enjoyed: )

cant waste anymore time on this post. Ta. 

 

 I swear, this whole shit feeling mood can NOT happen again.
It's getting way too often.
Hates.

Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. Hate the feeling. 

 Everyday is tiring.
And everyday there's tons of work.
Almost everyday i have stomach ache.
What's happening?

I need to start dieting again mann.
I'm getting freakishly disgusted with myself again.
I hate my fats.

I hate myself like this.
Ugly fugly.
"Julia, 10 more to go, 10 more to go.
Take it, or die."
 

 Yesterday, 
i went to get my macbkpro, so, I Am Happy.
Then went to rooftop bbq in the evening, It was alright. But it was really really nice to see some of their faces:D Then got home about 10plus, until i got a call from D, and went to meet at Macs.
Reached home i think 12plus. Yup. 
BBQ
Im still in the state of shock after seeing him mann, like shocked shocked. i was like pulling everyone and asking wtf happened to him. omgomgomg.
why doesnt anybody react the same way as me?!?!
i dont get it.
Hmph:/


 

Officially back to Applecrime. HAHAH, that was quick right. yah i know.
Julia, fickled-minded.

On Thursday, i swear i was dying. I seriously almost fainted. Low blood sugar ma.
Vomitted from 3am, 6plus7am. The pain was the shit mann.
And the only consolation is that i lost weight :)
But now i scared to eat, i dont wanna gain it all back D:

Ytd went to watch The Final destination with classmates. I was watching the movie, but i guess it didnt really sink in that much, maybe case i was focusing more on the pain of my tummy. Hahah. but All's goooood.

Mr. A has a girlfriend. Dammit. HA. HA. HA.

Yeah, i've started school alr everyone! Orientation was really sucky. super duper boring. First day of school was boring, but atleast i made some friends! yay right. hahah.
Summary: monday sucked, made friends, tuesday (@east coast) still sucked but i made more friends, Wednesday not so sucky, Thursday went to play pool with 1/3 of class(awwwkkward), today so much better!( omg, i found EYECANDY!!)

YA, nothing much interesting. life's dull now. so, i dont think there's much to update, hence, my little new posts.
When it gets better, you'll see.

 

Nothing much's happen, you know. Usuals: Tv, Comp, Eat, Sleep. Literally everyday.
So boring. Nobody to like- cause liking someone is fun.
ANYWAY, My school's starting soon yay! August is coming, FINALLY, After like 9 months of Holiday.
Just wanna quickly go out, hang out with people, cause when school starts, definitely hactic.
I WILL FINALLY GET TO TELL MY SCHOOL LIFE STORIES TO (YOU).



Hey, don't be so quick to judge.
 

Yixia's Celebration Pictures:))